She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
