We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
