And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
