Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
