I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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