I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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