so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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