it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
