Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
