Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
