I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
