I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
