think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
