Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Enjoy the penises
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
