Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
