I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
