I must be too annoying 4 u.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
