Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
