I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
