i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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