There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
