He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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