took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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