I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
