Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
