My hand turned me down
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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