I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
