I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
