he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
