Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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