Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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