Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
