i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
