I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
