im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
