I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
