You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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