I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
