Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
