She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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