You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
