shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
