You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
