remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
