Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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