butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
