The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
