so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
