I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
