So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
