Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
